what other women have taught me
“i want to apologize to all the women i have called beautiful
before i’ve called them intelligent or brave
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you’re born with
is all you have to be proud of
when you have broken mountains with your wit
from now on i will say things like
you are resilient, or you are extraordinary
not because i don’t think you’re beautiful
but because i need you to know
you are more than that” - Rupi Kaur
I have been very lucky to have some amazing women in my life. Being friends with other ladies as an adult has never been a struggle. I love slumber party vibes, stimulating conversations over a hot beverage and deeply funny females. Considering that it is International Women's Day, I thought it would be appropriate to share what I have learned from other women in my life...
1. SUPPORT EACH OTHER - The women that I love the most are champions of other women. They see the best parts in others, helping them to build confidence and self love. When their friends are having trouble seeing themselves clearly, these women quickly remind them of their greatness. Personally, one of my favorite things is to support others' projects. I love spreading the word about my favorite book, healer, photographer, teacher etc. Not only do I want to promote what I love, but it also ends up giving me energy. It does this by moving me into that feeling of excitement, which is a really great place to be.
2. CONFIDENCE IS EVERYTHING - While this is not a new idea, it never loses its power on me. The most inspiring women are the ones who truly love themselves- their bodies, minds, spirits and lives. They are comfortable in their own skin and it shows. It isn't about what they look like, although they might be beautiful. It is so much deeper than this. A good example of this is a woman I know through friends. While she happens to be a pretty human, there is something so special about her. The more I assessed it, I realized what it was- she has so much happiness within herself. Yes, she is physically beautiful, but it is her joy and confidence that makes her completely magnetic.
3. BODY AS HOME - This took me a really long time to understand. In some ways, I am still learning to embody this way of being. When I was really able to ground in my body, making it a space of love and power, my life started to shift. I took shit from men for a long time and just recently, I have gotten clear about what I will no longer allow into my life.
4. SOFT - Coming from New York, there is an intrinsic 'don't fuck me with me' sort of attitude. When you combine this with the fact that I grew up with dysfunction (didn't we all?), I definitely learned to harden pretty young. But as I aged, I realized that it no longer served me. Women who can be both soft and strong are captivating. Their power comes through the fact that they can receive and allow things to come to them, rather than chasing. Currently, I am working on moving more into that space of receptivity, allowing and gentleness. You know, all of the feminine qualities.
5. HUMOR - The universe has gifted me with some really funny ladies. While I think the humor was always inside of me, I was a bit of an ice queen when I was younger. It wasn't that I was mean, it was more of a frozen thing. As I began to melt and relax into my skin, I found myself laughing more and more. After returning from India, I found myself living with two women who laugh all day. Their existences revolve around funny and I needed them more than I knew. Luckily, they are both still in my life, making me (and everyone else) lol regularly.
6. PRETTY IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING - This was a hard one for me. I grew up with a father who drilled the opposite belief into my head. I placed so much importance on my looks and was completely incapable of seeing myself clearly. The women that I look up to are so much more than their bodies or faces. They rebel against societal norms and help other women do the same. They recognize beauty, but see it in ways that others don't. As I've grown, all things around me have become more beautiful. I see it the way someone moves or shows up for others. I see it in a face that has aged naturally or in the way someone cries. It is no longer confined to what someone looks like in a traditional sense. This is definitely something I have to work at daily.