reality mirage

"There's nothing out there. It's all you." - Taylor Eyewalker 

It's safe to say that most of us look to the outer world for an experience of reality. We are encouraged to look outside of ourselves for purpose, happiness and fulfillment. Things like careers, relationships, travel, bank accounts, bodies and social media attention are just some of things that we use to entertain ourselves. And temporarily speaking, all of these things have worked for me at some point in time. Everyone likes to feel like they are successful, attractive and capable of satisfying human connections. But since nothing lasts forever and the only constant is change, relying on the outside world is risky business. 

If we want to go even deeper, it could be said that reality is an illusion. Everything we are seeing is a mere reflection, a compilation of all of our belief systems. Each person that we come into contact with is showing us parts of our selves and each situation is something that we call in for our highest growth. When you start to view your life through this lens, reality can feel like a game. Fun, light and used for the purpose of expansion

But that isn't to say that I have always accepted this idea with a smile. There was a time when a weekend bachelorette trip was coming up and I didn't want to go. A lot of the women attending weren't friends of mine and our interests were greatly different. As the hours neared closer to my departure, I was feeling less and less comfortable. I reached out to someone that I had worked with once, wanting some insight on the situation. 

"These girls aren't even real. People would kill to go on this trip. This is all in your mind," she told me harshly. 

In that moment I sort of hated her. While reality may actually be a mirage, it certainly doesn't always feel that way. The people who annoy us or make us feel insecure seem very very real. So I fully understand if there is a struggle to accept this way of viewing one's experience. I constantly have to remind myself that the other person is me. That there isn't really anyone out there. And that I am creating my reality, mostly subconsciously and from a soul level, whether I like it or not. 

In all honesty, that trip was a struggle for me. I bought into the exterior so hard and probably (most definitely) made it more difficult for myself. But it was a great learning experience. I now strive to make an imprint on my environment, rather than allowing it to make its mark on me. When it comes to grasping for experiences outside of myself to feel better, I am a work in progress.  In the past, I reached towards negative or superficial things- like substance, clothes, dudes and my body. Currently, its more like yoga, workouts, retreats, herbs and good meals. But it's still a reach out there and so I actively work to change that. 

 While its not always easy, allowing reality to not be so real is pretty freeing. You are reminded that everything you see and feel is fleeting. So very temporary and ever changing. You realize that true peace and happiness are inner experiences. That we are constantly taking in the world through our unique lens. Perspective is everything. Space is not something to be gained out there, but instead requires only a few moments of quiet and breath. The journey from out there to in here is really the only one that matters. 

Photo: unknown

Kenna Conway