pass/fail

Welcome to earth school. We all come here in these human bodies to learn, grow and evolve. People, places and things are put onto our path to support this. And along the way, we are challenged in order to make sure that we are progressing. Not just attaching ourselves to an idea that sounds good. 

In my experience, the universe sends me tests (Lacy Phillips of Free and Native calls them lessons). This is usually done through circumstances or specific people who are almost everything I want. If it's romance related, red flags flash in front of me from the very beginning. Guys don't lie to me. I only lie to myself (pretty projections). If it's a job, it can sound appealing, but the pay is bad. Or vice versa. A house that has almost everything on my list. A friend who is seemingly supportive and sweet, but has subtle jealous vibes. You get the idea.  

After having a discussion with Lacy, she warned me that as I attempted to change my life and call in what I wanted, I would have to turn certain things down. I knew exactly what she was talking about. It had happened to me so many times before. Like when you tell the universe that you aren't going to date for awhile and three people from your past reach out via text. Or you say no to a job, only to have them come back with a new offer. These sort of experiences often made me feel like I was being played with. I didn't want to have to say no. I just wanted the tests to disappear! 

But alas, I needed to learn. And ultimately, suffer in certain situations in order to do so. Because these lessons will repeat and repeat, until you really get the message. One day I was driving up Fairfax and realized that a guy in my life was totally a test. One that I had failed because I was pushing a situation that I knew wasn't right in so many ways. I had created someone up in my head, someone  who was not him. When I looked up, there was a giant F painted in black on the building beside me. 

"Shit," I said to myself as I stepped on the gas. 

It was all the confirmation I needed. While I didn't release him from my life that day, I knew what had to be done. And beyond that, I understood that if I kept allowing emotionally unavailable people in my life, regardless of their supposed "spiritual" insight or our magnetic chemistry, I was reaffirming my own lack of self worth. The universe wasn't trying to punish me. It was trying to get me to raise my standards. And until I did that, I would keep getting unavailable in every color of the rainbow. 

As you move towards the life you want, watch what is showing up in your orbit. Pay attention to things that seem too good to be true or have just about everything you want. Stick to your guns. Keep your value high. And realize that you can have what you want. You just have to be willing to say no, stand your ground and make space for the right things in order to do so. 

Photo: unknown

HealKenna Conway