"If you have enough energy to walk directly into red flags, go ahead!" - Taylor Eyewalker
This was said to me during a coaching session. These days I have subbed therapy for coaching. Choosing to focus on action and cultivation, rather than processing. Just about everything that comes out of Taylor Eyewalker's mouth is filled with wisdom. Plus she is super funny, so that helps keep the esoteric and challenging within the realm of normal.
When she said this, it really hit me. I found it to be such an interesting way of approaching red flags. She had also said something similar about casual sex. Do you or don't you have enough strength to handle the possible ramifications of an interaction?
Mostly I don't have enough energy for these sort of engagements. But I haven't always known that. In the past, I have seen red flags and run directly into the arms of the person. My friends used to laugh because I either picked the most unavailable men or the most fucked up.
2 kids and an angry baby mama? Yes please! Gang member? Interesting. Only dates models and calls me at night? Dream. Lives in another state + bipolar with alcoholic tendencies? LOVE.
One great thing about the men that have crossed my path is that they don't lie to me. They will straight up tell me that they don't want a girlfriend. Or that they have a child (or three) on the first date. Or that I am acting too emotional and they are over it. I love that they tell the truth, but it leaves me little excuses as to why I continue on. What I have come to realize is that my real problem is not that I attract these sort of guys. It is that I am attracted to them.
In many situations, we choose to ignore what we see. Pretend it isn't there or act as if we have the power to change it. But this sort of approach gives us a clear opportunity to make a decision. A chance to face the potential (or lack there of) at hand and say yes or no. Is there a possible lesson to be learned by moving forward? Most likely it will be a chance to develop neutrality in the face of chaos.
Some of my worst choices have been my biggest teachers. I am grateful for them, don't regret any of it, but hope that I won't make the same mistakes twice. It is said that we will keep being handed the same lessons over and over until we fully learn. Like repeating a grade until you can pass. Today I am fully aware of where red flags have taken me. With many opportunities and visions on the horizon, these sort of entanglements have frankly become too expensive. They end up costing me time, but mostly they steal my energy. While we all have access to an abundance of inner inspiration, I am learning what supports this and what doesn't. It is becoming harder and harder to keep walking into the red flags. Surrendering both my self worth and sanity.
However, if I reach a point where I have energy to burn, I may return to my old ways (temporarily). After all, new lessons are a good thing and it always makes for a good story.