"You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breath on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?" - C.S. Lewis
As spring unfolds, we watch the blooming taking place. We clean out our closets, both literal and metaphorical. I have been experiencing an inner push to release things that no longer serve me. In many ways, I want to resist the natural course of action. I like comfortability- spaces that I know well. Change feels hard. Change feels scary.
When you release something or someone, the space that is left takes time to fill. Last night I made a list of my must haves and deal breakers for career, friendships and permanent living situation. Getting clear will make it easier to decipher if something is or isn't acceptable. But it also means that I have to stick to what I wrote down. That moves in another direction are, in a way, a self betrayal.
The space that I have found myself in right now feels hollow. Instead of feeling filled with inspiration, I am reaching for it. Trying hard to muster up the energy to secure the things on my list. In these moments, my practice is of upmost importance. Connecting with myself, meditating and staying on track with plans of action. How do I make the space between what I am letting go of and what I desire feel good?
I don't really have a definitive answer. I spend time in the sun, watching flowers as they do their pretty thing. I am reminded that I, too, am nature. That there is a rhythm, something breathing me from moment to moment. And if I can just let go and forget about being afraid or lonely, I can have peace. Space can mean newness and possibility. Potential, freedom and room for creation. If I can view it like that, I think I'll be ok.